Friday, January 14, 2005


it's funny how things get so complicated almost immediately.

Friendships are tricky things. One word or act and somehow things get blurry, words get more bitchy, then some drama sets in. Apologies seem to be unecessary, and at best, silent treatments are the best defense. *sigh* I am wondering how and when this will end. I hope that there will be an end to it. The funny thing is, you don't really know that you're already in the drama until you finally settle down and think, why the hell am i thinking about this soo much!!?!! And why the hell am i giving such a damn about it?!

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I am getting into a weird comfort zone that i am actually uneasy about it. Everything's fine...everything's ok... that's it. It's like the eye of a storm --- everything is quiet but outside there is chaos... i'm talking about the feeling you get when you realize that everything's ---argh--- normal and you aren't used to it. You know that somehow, something's gonna go wrong, but you have no idea when and how because everything's breezy.

Call me paranoid, but yeah, i do feel strangely funny about having a comfort zone. For the longest time my paranoia was (maybe it still is) my solace, my reality check on things going haywire in life that not feeling it these days gives me a feeling that i am A) dreaming, B) sleepwalking or C) just really really paranoid. Hahaha. I wish i can be more comfortable with myself in this state. Maybe i can pretend this is all a dream...

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I have a fondness for blogs, especially my friends'. It's my way of living vicariously (since i have very little time to go anywhere these days). Reading pao's adventures in Pasiklab makes me want to go there too.

I sympathize with fellow FruitLover's angst on everyday things which bother the heck out of you. Nicely said!

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Today i have vowed to malke a list of things i want to do/experience for this year. So here is my tentative list so far:

* surf again sometime soon
* earn and save money (10% of paycheck please!)
* travel
* get my visa
* learn a new sport/skill
* buy a new computer

(Btw, I'm selling my desktop computer --- interested parties, please contact me for details and specs).

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1 comment:

hlF said...

wow... seems like you're almost set for 2005. though i have good vibes about this year, i still can't sjake the feel of impending doom... must be remnants of 2004...

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